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Section 1 - Information at Your Fingertips: Local Sources
Section 2 - Scholarships and Grants: Providing the Best Matches and Opportunities to Win
Section 3 - Introductions, Letters, and Applications
Section 4 - Contacting the Scholarship Sources
Section 5 - You, the Essay Contestant
Section 6 - Writing the Essay
Section 7 - Following ( or not ) the Contest Rules
Section 8 - Interviews and Speech Presentation Information
FOLLOWING (OR NOT) THE CONTEST RULES
Section 7
Departing from our serious, professional demeanor, we give you a number of ways to insure your scholarship application targets the 'circular file' and gets, 'wasted'.
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Remember to either forget your address, or better yet, partially complete the address just enough so the judges will rub their heads before placing your masterpiece in the circular file.
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Never submit a complete application; make sure your application fails to include required references or academic transcripts or, send the photo, transcript, and references, but omit the essay.
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Let the judges know how you truly feel if they don't choose your masterpiece; they are really Satan's spawn, or you were correct in your assumption their first-born (regardless of age) were the first offspring of a successful genetic inbreeding program established years ago. Or, it would be equally creative of you to compliment all the judges on graduating from The Advanced Basket Weaving Institute. This will ensure your application does not reach the circular file… it will be burned long before that thought occurs.
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Forward a dirty application; jelly stains should be dead center, flanked by the grease stains from the french fries you had for lunch, with the final touch, an artistic smattering of coffee stains throughout the entire application. Use beer stains, which will generate the impression you have a drinking problem, thereby bypassing run-of-the-mill office circular files for ones called dumpsters!
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Don't put any postage on it, and make sure the return address is the same as the forwarding address or don't put any return address on the package at all. You could also fail to put enough postage on it, making it postage due to the receiver. If the source's judges are kind-hearted enough, they will accept the postage cost, then upon finding who sent the application will use some of the more creative ways to dispose of your application in the circular file.
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Send everything but the application, or mail everything with the incorrect application or forward everything with the incorrect essay.
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Disregard any academic requirement, forwarding your GPA, which is 1 point below the required GPA. Explain to the judges you have been very sick lately.
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Complete your application with a pen that either leaks, leaves smudges, or both. Explain clearly that you are an individual who lives to the beat of his own drummer.
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Completing your application with the phonetic spelling of words will impress the judges that the mentally challenged have finally been encouraged to apply for mainstream grants and scholarships.
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Include a self-addressed stamped envelope (SASE), but conveniently leave off the postage, especially if you forwarded the wrong applications to the correct sources. You will discover just how deep charity begins with the grant and scholarship judges.
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Our lampooning is complete: We purposely added the situations (all have a true basis) so you can appreciate how awkward situations can become if application rules and requirements are ignored.
When completing scholarship application forms, please remember this acronym CCC ( complete, concise, and creative ). The judging panel truly wishes to know more about you than your name and address, your applications should disclose aspirations, motivation, and qualities that differentiate you from other applicants.
Applications should be forwarded as soon as possible due to the increase in applicants, they should be typewritten and very neat. It doesn't matter how brilliant your essay is, or how well-qualified you appear to be . . . hand in an application completed in crayon, and poof, watch the application disappear (supposedly true story of a student who had sparkling credentials, and excellent qualifications yet decided to complete his application in crayon).
Once your essay is finished, print out your master copy and a backup copy, then file it along with other supporting items. If you don't have access to a word processor, copy your master and attach it to each application.
Include what is requested or required, copying all documents:
- A resumé
- Curriculum transcript
- Extra-curricular activities (keep to one page…easier to read and handle)
- SAT or ACT scores
- AP Scores
- Honors Grades
- Letters of recommendation outlining your moral character
- Any positive newspaper articles on you as a student
- Any award won or contests participated in
Remember, these must be requested or required... if the judges are evaluating scores of applications per week and they find documents that are neither requested or required, 'hello' circular file.
Remember, WRITE the name of the specific scholarship you wish to apply to on the outside of the envelope. It insures that whoever opens your letter will know where to send your request.
Mail your applications in early, at least a month before the deadline and be sure you have included a SASE for replies.
NOTE: Please sort replies to your SASE letters in regular file or box.
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